Comparing Yourself Academically

During secondary school I started comparing my test and exam results with two of the closest people in my life. One being my brother and the other being my boyfriend. I didn't really know why until I started writing this post.

I was worried I wasn't smart enough throughout primary and early secondary years, I was labelled the silly one, the goofball so when it came to exam time. I was trying really hard to get good results but didn't think I was good enough because the people around me were getting better marks. However, no one around me made me feel like this there were always proud of me and saying well done. So, this was a battle with myself.

When getting results I feel like it’s a normal thing to do, that people will talk about what

grade they got but it is just how you handle hearing someone got a higher

mark than you. Some people may have no problem and not even think twice about it.

While others like myself would question everything about why I wasn’t good enough and how I can do better even if I got a good mark and passed the test/exam.

I compared myself to my older brother because I looked up to him I either wanted to be level with him or exceed what he achieved academically. I think it was just a bit competitive sometimes because I remember getting an A in higher maths and knowing he got a B made me happy because I thought I could finally prove to myself that I was smart enough. Nevertheless, I never felt proud that I always tried to one up the people around me.

I compared myself to my boyfriend because I didn’t feel like I deserved my boyfriend if I wasn’t academically on the same level as him. I felt that in our year in secondary he was known as one of the smartest people and I was insecure that others would look at me and think why is he with her, she isn’t even that smart. We also shared some of the same classes and I would always feel terrible asking him for help but he neverminded I would apologised constantly. I spoke to him openly about how I felt, and he said there are things that he could never do that I do like taking music and singing in front of the class, in exams and taking part in school shows. He made me believe I was smart.

I mean everyone is different with numerous strengths and weaknesses so you literally can’t compare yourself with anyone but yourself and you can see how far you’ve come.

Here are some things that helped me stop comparing myself academically:

1. Realise the person you are. If every person was good everything, you've got nothing to set yourself apart. To help realise the individual you are, you should practise positive self-talk. E.g. if you felt down about a lower grade from your friend just think “did I work hard for this?” if you did then it doesn't matter the grade. People want hard workers and that's what you are

2. Instead of focusing on how others are doing, compare how you did on your last test to how you are doing today and make the necessary developments for future tests e.g., study techniques that will work for you, set little goals for yourself to boost your academic confidence and find the areas you struggle the most etc.

3. Take out the self-criticism and replace it with self-compassion. We tend to be far more sympathetic toward friends than we are to ourselves, so if your self-critical inner thoughts appears, ask yourself what you would say to a friend if they were in your shoes. Then, apply those words to yourself.

4. Determine your strong points. Learn what you enjoy doing. Find out the areas you excel in and focus your efforts there. There is no point feeling defeated over a test result in a class you don't enjoy and that you may not use in your career you choose. Gaining self-awareness is aided by understanding your strengths. You gain a fresh respect for qualities about yourself that you previously neglected. Understanding your skills can help you fully comprehend what makes you special and how your personality benefits a team.

(If you want a post about how to find your strengths, let me know)😊😊

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