Why Loving Yourself Isn’t Selfish
The phrase “I love me” is something that, to me, is important. People need to start saying it more, even if it is just to themselves in the mirror. I wanted to write this post because it is what I believe and what I am trying to do myself. I think people have brought negative connotations to the words “I love me”. It makes people feel selfish.
To me, it is a part of self-love, respecting your own opinions, emotions, and values. People respect each other, so why can’t they respect themselves? Ways you could do this are:
- Saying no (setting boundaries)
Saying no to people’s plans – or even your own thoughts – shows a sign of respect, that you are stronger than your mind. This is important because when you are thinking negative thoughts or you are planning to do something that may hurt others, you have
to take a second to breathe, think about how it benefits you or others, and if it doesn’t, say no. It might be a good thought in the moment, but not in the long run.
Saying no and not giving in to the thoughts of what your friends/family want to do will help you live a happier, more self-controlled life that will benefit you and the people around you in the long run. You will be able to be the best version of yourself at that point in time and keep growing.
- Don’t put yourself down
Not putting yourself down but building yourself up is a big step towards self-love.
Something I did to start building myself up was to say it out loud in the mirror, to say, "I am beautiful, and strong, and funny," and everything else. That was the step I took to show that “I love me” and the power that built inside me wasn’t like any other: being able to give yourself compliments and receive them without backing away and being shy.
Even if it starts with little compliments to yourself about your personality or your looks. When others give you compliments, take them. Don’t try and deflect them; say “thank you,” even if you can’t see it yet, it doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
- Take Every Opportunity
Over the past couple years, I’ve learned to take every opportunity. I used to want to cruise through life. I was content not knowing what was beyond what I thought I could achieve. However, I’ve learned to say “yes” to opportunities to do new and different things that I think would make you happier, even when they're out of my comfort zone. Through doing this, you get to learn so many things and meet amazing people that will come along the ride with you.
One “yes” could lead to many other experiences, like when I said yes to joining the Radio Society at my university. This led me to start hosting a radio show with my boyfriend, winning an award for our radio show, becoming treasurer of the society, and most importantly, meeting amazing people.
- Don’t worry about others opinions
When I was growing up, I was cautious about what people thought of me (too loud, too fat, introverted, mediocre). It felt horrible; it would eat at me. I no longer felt like me but rather what others wanted me to be. It came to a point where I stopped hanging out with people who made me feel unremarkable, because everyone should feel unique.
I started to change my mindset when I was 17. I was enthusiastic, happy, outgoing and wore bright clothes – something I always wanted to do, but felt I had to do in the shadows. Yes, I've had people look at me, but I really don't care because I'm being myself. They can say what they want to my face or behind my back – it doesn't bother
- Put yourself first
This is something I’m still learning to do. It can be hard when you are a people pleaser and feel you have to put your friends first or they won’t want to be your friend. However, if that happens, you are clearly not surrounded by the right people who cherish who you are.
You should respect yourself for what you do for yourself and not what you do for them. When you start to put yourself forward, it feels freeing. A way to put yourself first is to always set time aside for yourself, no matter how busy you are, to do anything you want. Putting this time aside helps you boost your mood and appreciate yourself more.
If you would have asked me five years ago if I could say “I love me”, it would have been a no, but hey, I guess that is the art of growing up.
If you need any help contact me on any of my social media platforms that are linked to this page or use the chat function on the website.
